Seeking an Encounter

So I began writing this reflection some time ago, but I'd still like to share it. With Christmas coming up, there are several activities to organize and participate in, so hopefully I can share a little bit about that shortly.

There are several things that have/are/will be happening that I can perhaps just list quickly:

1) A good friend (Carl) from the U.S. that's been here volunteering and discerning just recently returned to the states.
2) Another good friend from the states (Ian), doing the same, has also returned to the U.S.
3) Greg, recently an aspirant from Australia, has discerned for marriage and has returned to Australia.
4) David (aspirant I live with) returned from a month's "community experience", which meant divided chores again :) But, he will be entering formation in San Bartolo this coming year. As will the two aspirants from the Philippines.

The aspirants at Greg's going away party.

The group that came to Carl's going away party. It was a very warm good-bye. 

Explaining to Carl how I meant to get him a going away gift but.. 

If you haven't caught onto the pattern, the majority of the people I normally speak in English with have or will shortly be leaving. I have been blessed to have them around, as they have helped a ton in my adjustment to Perú. At the same time, the change is probably providential, because it will be a time to really be immersed in the culture (lest I become comfortable with the adjustments I have made I guess). I'm actually quite excited about this, though I know it will probably come with many difficult times.

To speak about the idea of "immersion" in another culture in general is worth reflecting on, so I'll share what I've gathered through conversations and experiences here. First a few basic things:

• Culture is generated by human beings
• Human beings are made for the encounter 

Me having a cultural
experience

Thus, when we immerse ourselves, when we openly encounter another culture, we become more human. Perhaps it sounds a bit theoretical, and I must admit even to me it still sounds theoretical. But, I'm excited to incarnate this in my life. It will be something good to come back to as my experience matures. 

It seems simple, but perhaps it's not so, or at the very least its not easy. It definitely doesn't happen automatically, which I think is the beauty of it all. A plane ticket to Perú does not mean I will "become more human" through a cultural encounter, or going on a mission trip anywhere, or even going to school or work in another city. I have this tendency to think that I'm obviously giving it a shot, I mean here I am in Perú. While its an amazing opportunity, it can also be a justification to others and even to myself to be content about myself or what I've done. But, what I've found necessary, is continually, actively, intentionally opening myself to the encounter. Letting who I am really affect the immediate culture around me, as well as allowing the culture to enter me. 

I have found this balance quite difficult actually, and I think in general we tend to fall into 2 extremes, though I am far from being a sociologist. 

1. We are closed to the encounter altogether. We cling to what we know, and we reject anything foreign. Values, traditions, etc. Perhaps we are afraid of the unknown, afraid of our values being challenge, etc. I think you could call this the "ultra-conservative" approach. 
2. We feel like we need to forget who we are, simply not claim to be anyone or claim to be of another culture, and perhaps even conform to the culture around us. Further, we must celebrate everyones culture without being critical. I've been told several times that even if i wanted to be Peruvian (which I shouldn't want to be), I never will be. The encounter where you cannot be critical (or "judge") the values or traditions of another culture. 

Quite obviously an "encounter" implies an exchange between myself and an other. The first extreme is closed off to the "other" and thus blocks an encounter with (or discovering) one's self, while the second in some way forgets about "myself" and thus cannot have an authentic experience of the other. I think I usually fall more into the 2nd. 

Certainly there exists a reconciled approach, but the cross is always necessary in reconciliation and thus a seemingly good incentive not to go there, easier to simply jump to one of the extremes. The cross is perfect because it stretches horizontally for a human encounter, but also vertically for the necessary encounter with God. The two are not opposed. 

Speaking of encounters... 

La Colecta (the collection) 

To raise money for our Christmas campaigns (celebrating Christmas in the developing areas of Lima), all the pastoral centers of the Christian Life Movement send out a team into the streets with a can, some stickers, a T-shirt, and some water. Our pastoral center sent out 600 people (mostly youth). 

The presence that we had in Lima was very cool. The campaign name is simple: "Navidad es Jesús", or "Christmas is Jesus". We all had T-shirts, and were thus easily recognizable, and the enthusiasm of the youth has to be impressive to anyone. We also gave a sticker to anyone after they donated, so after a while everyone you walked by had a sticker saying "Navidad es Jesús". 

The campaign was also very effective, as we made about $16,000 net profit. This was collected from people's pocket change. I was quite impressed by this experience, as about every other person I asked would give something. 

However, being critical, part of the experience was unnecessarily tedious. Six of us spent from 6 p.m. to 1 a.m. counting our collection (remember this is all pocket change). On one hand, I couldn't imagine collecting money in this manner in the U.S., but on the other hand, I'm quite sure we could have just dropped it off at the bank and they would have dumped it into a machine to count it. On a positive note,  not only to I not have an attraction to money now, but I actually get a bad taste in my mouth thinking about it. 

So during the collection, I found a good corner and stayed there for a while. There was also a shoe-polisher trying to get some business. After a while of observing me, he asked if i was a Gringo, I said yes, and he told me to come over. I didn't really want some Gringo treatment, so I declined. After another half hour of observing, he came over and dropped a coin in my can. I was pretty startled, and I felt like I had misjudged him, so I went over and talked with him for a while. It was a pretty legit "the poor widow gave everything she had"(Mk 12: 44) moment. I'm sorry to say I can't remember his name (it was something I hadn't heard before), but I found out he is from San Juan de Miraflores, which is a developing area that I have been working in, and one of our Christmas Campaigns will definitely be there.

It wasn't a magical conversation or anything. For one, we had to work with what Spanish I know. Also, I was trying to explain to him why I didn't have a girl friend. But I knew it was an encounter God was calling me to. I mean, I had the obvious task of collecting money, but its important to not get too "busy" with our tasks and forget to be attentive to encountering Christ, even in unexpected places (He promised to always be with us, if only we pay attention). After we were done talking and I went back to work, I was trying to explain to some people what the Christmas campaign is all about and I was having a little difficulty with the Spanish. My recently-made friend noticed, and he came over and explained the whole thing and how it was a good cause, and the people made a donation. It was very cool. 

Our "exam" in Spanish Class. RJ dosing off in the background, Greg already fast
asleep, me working diligently, and David taking advantage of me working diligently.
This is why our Spanish is so good :)

The Greatest Mistake You Can Make…

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."

(often attributed to Elbert Hubbard)

Though I’m not sure who is responsible for forming this exact statement, and I'm sure many throughout history have pointed out this fear, but I have my high school classmates to thank for knowing it, as we chose these words for our graduation. Of course I have always liked it, and I always knew it applied to my life, but it always remained abstract. I was never quite sure how to apply it to my life, nor did I know how badly I needed to or why it was so difficult. I can almost laugh at the nonsensical fears that it speaks of, yet they haunt me like ghosts sometimes. I’m becoming aware right now of the various ways that this fear controls my actions, but I also see it with a little more depth and a little more hope.

The fear, I have found, flows directly from an attitude of perfectionism, which thrives in our culture in the States. I’m not trying to play the victim game, say it’s not my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it. But on a certain level, we do not choose the culture we are raised in, and it inevitably affects us ("independence" is unrealistic in this regard). 

Learning a new way of life, especially try to speak another language, has really required me to confront this. For this I'm thankful to be where I am. I'll share some interior activities going on in my life. Not activities specific to Perú, just happening to me while I'm in Perú :) 

Perfectionsim

When I say perfectionism, I don’t mean the idea of “striving” to be perfect, in the same way as “striving” for holiness. I mean demanding and expecting perfection, and rejecting and even fearing anything less (like mistakes). Perhaps you get what I mean, but I know I didn’t get it the first time I heard it. In any case, I’ll share the things I’m beginning to see. 

The first problem is obvious: its unrealistic. How could you be so prideful to think you will never make a mistake in life? That is absurd, and I think its necessary to laugh at ourselves a little bit when we catch ourselves thinking this.

The second is also pretty simple: who ever said making a mistake is a negative thing in itself? It’s as if we have this view that holiness equals not making mistakes. I think it’s easy to look back and find our most intense learning experiences in our mistakes. Actually, that is the key. We have the responsibility to learn from our mistakes. In that way, making a mistake is actually a positive experience. For me it has been important to see opportunity in my shortcomings. Opportunity to learn, opportunity for patience, opportunity for accept myself where I’m at.

There are a few more problems that are perhaps more at the root of the fear. A basic human pursuit is happiness, and so naturally we fear what we don’t think will make us happy, and we purse what we think will make us happy (even in a superficial way). Simple. So, why do I fear making mistakes? Because success will make me happy. I look back on my life at all the ways I’ve tried to be successful: getting good grades, practicing hard at sports, doing a job right on the farm, even in trying to lead people to God. Sure, it is gratifying when you’ve worked hard for something, and it should be. And to be clear, I don’t mean to say that success is not an evil thing; it is quite good. But God never asked anyone to be successful, only to be faithful. And there is a reason for that: because success does not equal happiness. I think it’s obvious enough when you look at the miserable lives some of the most successful people that have lived. It is the great lie disguised as the American dream: If I graduate college, get a good job, a nice house, and a family and 2-3 kids, if I do so successfully, I will be happy. This lie will pull us into a perfectionism that eats us alive.  

Finally, what I have found to be the really the source of the fear, the underlying problem of perfectionism: it is a matter of identity. It is believing that my value corresponds to my accomplishments and my shortcomings. When I complete some task successfully, I think well of myself. When I mess something up, I think less of myself. I find it hard to simply accept and value myself as I am. As I mentioned earlier, its absurd to think I will never make a mistake. And the true is that who I am will make mistakes. Because I fear making mistakes, I won’t accept who I am here and now, I won’t accept my limits, but rather I create an ideal image of myself that never messes up, and I will only accept myself as that person (which is not me). If that’s a little confusing, perhaps you can at least see the vanity in it all.

Perhaps an example from my childhood: I would always imagine myself making amazing receptions in sideline football, or breaking tackle after tackle, make the perfect cuts, and everyone would be impressed and know what I’m capable of, because I was capable of this. But, the truth is, the good plays I made could have been more perfect, and there were always some bad plays. It was frustrating because it was never the perfection I imagined. I think I carried this with me through high school sports.

Anyways, you can see there is an endless frustration with myself, an endless sources of fears, and they will never be put to rest until I accept and value who I am, not who I want to be.

The only questions I can really bring myself back to, then, are: Who am I? Where does my value come from? Am I, simply me, in myself, aside from my performance, significant? When did I become something/someone valuable?

They are serious questions, and I think what is important is not necessarily being able to give the answer on the spot, but knowing that these are the most important questions of my life and I must give everything I have to answer them. We all find the longing within ourselves to know ourselves, and to be significant, to matter, to be valuable. The mistake is to not follow these longings. 

For Further Reflection.. 

Perhaps I will start a tradition of attaching songs to my reflections. At least I will for this one. At your own leisure, Casting Crowns proposes an answer to the previous questions: 

YouTube.com - Casting Crowns - Who am I?

A practical exercise I've been doing: 

Let others see my mistakes. Stop trying to hide them. It keeps me honest with myself. 

For the year of faith, we had an "intellectual soccer" competition with all the parish centers in Peru. Basically you form
a team of 6 guys and study the documents proposed and be prepared to answer questions from them. We used a minor
Catechism prepared by the diocese, along with Porta Fidei and Fidei Depositum. Basically, you gott know the faith.
In Spanish :) Our team was from 4 different countries (US, Australia, Philippines, Peru). 

We had a ping pong tournament in the Parish Center. Brought
back some good memories of playing with my dad back in the day. 

Two-Month Status Update

This past thursday marked two months of my "new life" in Perú. As I've mentioned in the previous blogs, its been an incredible period of growth and discovery. Upon recalling my life in the US, I must say everything seems very distant, even difficult to imagine. In the past few weeks I've been reflecting and categorizing much of my experience in Perú, and beyond that, many experiences through out my life. I've gotten a little behind on my blog (if by chance you're not an avid reader and haven't noticed), which has not been due to a lack of material to blog about (if anything an overload). Since there are so many activities and experiences I could write about, I decided it would be better to just write a "Two-month-Status-Update," in which I will talk about where I'm at, what I've discovered, where I'm going, and it will probably include some activities and experiences.

I had a moment of reflection, perhaps a little over a week ago, where I saw things with a much clearer lens. The realization was actually more to do with my lens being fogged. My first month down here, while being rich with personal discovery, still left me feeling foreign to reality in many ways; I've felt ungrounded. I feel like I am starting over in nearly every aspect of my life: language, identity, daily chores, related myself to others, etc. Furthermore, there several weakness in which I've grown in enormously the past few years, and upon arriving here I am starting over. 

Firstly, I realized that I'm not someone different than I was in the U.S., and I've needed to consciously recall several things that I've learned about myself over the past few years and be that person here too (so I'm not starting over). 

On the other hand, considering I'm in another culture that speaks a different language with a new daily routine and intense community life around me, I am starting over in some ways. That is, on another level. It's kind of like the next set in volleyball: the score is cleared, but it's not like the previous set didn't count. Also I'm seeing how far I have to go, how many sets remain. Its interesting after a period of growth you begin doubting what's next, if there's anything else God could do in your life.. 

A few things I'm learning:

1. We are called to a level of conversion/holiness/freedom/authenticity that I didn't know was possible before (I didn't even realize I didn't believe it was possible). For example, lie down on your back and try holding your feet a foot or so off the ground for as long as you can. Well, what is "as long as you can"? You always have more than you think, especially when you set a goal with others to hold you accountable. It the similar way, how holy should be be? What level of freedom are we called to? Even with the words of Christ in the back of our mind ("Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect"), we learn to accept weaknesses/vices/fears as they are, and we become set in our minds with what we think is "all the better it can get," and though it may sound dramatic, effectively a "learned hopelessness". 

2. The second, related to the first, is that I've found community life to be extremely helpful, and even necessary, to challenge me and point out what I'm capable of, to "walk in a manner worthy of the call I have received." A community that is looking at the same horizon, and in charity ushering one another along. Of course, this is part of what attracted me here, but it's more than I saw before. 

3. Third, also related to the first, and to the second, is that I didn't realize the severity or the extent of personal reconciliation that I need. I have been spending a ton of time on my self, but i've been finding more and more how necessary it is. It's interesting our desire to change to world (I always get pumped up by songs about changing the world, I don't know about you). But, it can also be a mere diversion from changing ourselves. What is it that we seek to change about the world anyways? What does that mean? It implies there are problems, crisis to "change". Where to the problems come from? I think its pretty simple (perhaps another time) that it all comes back to decisions that humans make, and more accurately, the heart of the human being. So, if I want to go change the world, but I myself have ruptures within myself, I will unavoidably project these ruptures onto the world (you can only hide them for so long). On that note, if I want to change to world, I really mean that I wish to change the hearts of humanity, and how unfair/ignorant/prideful to say I'm going to change other people's hearts but I'm not going to put the effort in to change my own. Furthermore, in doing this personal work, along with the openness of the dynamic in the community, I'm seeing this personal reconciliation is something everyone needs.

Just to clarify, its not like you need to be perfect before you walk out into the world. Our personal reconciliation doesn't happen if we remained scrolled up. It's just that we can't ignore our personal necessity when we look at the world.

4. Finally the fourth, related to the third, which is related to the first and the second, is that this need for personal reconciliation has led me to see the need for Christ in my life. A human response for human problems. I caught myself bluffing actually, when I thought to myself that I'm going all in for what God is asking of me. In reality, I see myself greatly respecting God's opinion (of course, he's all-knowing and all-loving), and I take God's suggestion's along the way, but to say that I've completely surrendered to God's will in my life is simply not where I'm at. I can think of many reasons to trust God, but I know where my heart is at, and sometimes I just wanna do what I wanna do. Working toward self-abandonment.. 

I'm gonna throw in a recommendation for what its worth: take time to write an autobiography at some point in your life. I'm discovering a ton. I also want to share a song that I really connected with while I was writing my autobiography. I'm not sure what the song is meant to communicate, I've never been especially artistic, but i'll share how it moved me briefly.


I Giorni - Ludovico Einaudi 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2K7D-uMH2g
(just ignore the hippo haha)

It expresses to me that most of the games we play make no sense. There’s no reason to continue playing them. I won't play anymore, and you don't have to either. It’s relieving for me; it’s the freedom of authenticity. The facades we put up are just wasting our energy, and they're not making things better. They're only bringing you more misery, more isolation. Throw down the masks, be who you are. Confront the lies. Lay down the burden. Walk in the truth. 

This is Really Real - Retreat in San Bartolo

Before I talk about the retreat, I wanted to mention briefly my opportunity to volunteer at Alegría en el Señor (Joy in the Lord). It is a school run by the Servants of God (religious sisters of the Christian Life Movement) where they seek to give a "comprehensive education to children and youth with physical disabilities and normal intelligence." Friday's they always have some type of activity, and this past Friday they decided to take the kids to the beach :) SO, they needed a ton of people to help out. 

I have to say I have never met a group of people so comfortable with their limitations. I mean, most of the children were in wheel chairs, so they need help for many basic things. Many of them wanted to get close to the water, and some even to feel the ocean with their feet. I was pretty nervous in the beginning about offending one of them somehow because I might expect them to be able to do something that they can't, or not realize they can do something perfectly well. I mean, we took off their shoes, socks, and sometimes braces, and carried them over to the water. There we waited for a wave to wash up to us. Some of the kids can't support themselves at all, so it was pretty difficult. But, when all was said and done, I didn't notice a hint of embarrassment out of any of them. I saw some minor frustrations, but overall they just seemed excited and thankful for the opportunity! What patience, what gratitude, what humility, what joy, what a lesson for me. Me and one of the other aspirants are hoping to start volunteering there once a week.

Later in the afternoon we left for a weekend retreat... 

The retreat was from friday evening to Sunday afternoon in San Bartolo, just south of Lima along the coast. This is where I will be for 3 years of formation. It was mainly a discernment retreat for two of the guys from the states that are here volunteering, but I also got to go for my own sake, to accompany the guys, to learn more about the style of the sodalitium, and to visit the brothers in formation. I will just highlight a moment during the retreat... 

San Bartolo - The island we swam to Saturday Morning. This is not my
picture, and winter is just ending so the sunsets aren't quite so beautiful yet! 

I had a really profound moment on Saturday morning of the retreat. Some of the brothers in formation shared their journey's with us, followed by 2 hours of free time to reflection/pray/relax. I spent pretty much the whole time staring at the ocean and considering this idea of "interior silence". 

One of the brothers spoke of interior silence as "opening yourself to reality". Sounds pretty lofty, but I think its the simplicity of the idea that is difficult. We can do this by reflecting on memories we have and really being attentive to how events/people/scripture spoke to us, but of course really working to do this in the present moment too. It is being present to reality, and opening up to encounter. It is realizing reality, and accepting it. In my case, being very grateful. 

I realize that it seems like hey, its your life. Wouldn't you know about it? But, sometimes we are too distracted, sometimes reality is too difficult to accept, and in my case sometimes it is too good to accept. 

I began to reflect on my life: the past three weeks in Perú, some of my experiences in the last few year, the fact that I'm on a beach watching some enormous waves. For some reason I find it hard to believe where I am (not just geographically). Earlier in my life, and even earlier in my conversion, I would have never imagined that I actually could be so happy. I mean, I thought I could live a good life as a christian and be happy from time to time, and perhaps it was a "learned hopelessness," where I had accepted that not much more could come out of life. 

I thought I could like being christian, I could talk to God and pretend God was going to guide me, but when it came down to it, my path in life is simply a series of choices that I make. But, to think that God would call me (one step at a time), and that I would respond, that my choices would actually be responses, this only seemed like a pleasant fantasy. But here I am. God really called me, and I am really responding with everything. And I find myself doing things and experiencing a level of joy I never realistically imagined for myself. More than anything I feel incredibly grateful. 

I guess when most of life is spent looking for happiness, for friendship, for identity, and all that is found are a series of laughs, superficial relationships, and uncertainty, it becomes the norm. I think I grew into this norm, and when I encountered a God that actually seeks my fulfillment in every way, that wants to call me into authentic friendship, that reveals to myself who I am (though I am still "unfolding"), I was hesitant to accept such a proposal. 

And so I found myself, staring at the ocean, opening myself to my reality. Allowing myself to be overcome by joy and thanksgiving by the God who loves me and continues to call. 

I Love Waking Up on a Mountain - Camping Trip to Matucana

So, why a random two-day camping trip? Well, I'm not exactly sure, but basically Perú  recently announced a two-day national holiday. It has something to do with Arab ambassadors coming to town, and perhaps that it was to keep traffic down. So, we thought it was about time for a nice little trip as well. Most of the planning was done by Greg, the aspirant from Australia.

This blog is going to be pretty short, as I posted most of the photos on facebook and the events are best portrayed here. Here is a link to that album:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151182575404165.470258.505004164&type=1&l=3fb503eb19

But, overall, I had one of the best times of my life.

• Hiking/Climbing: the most extreme I've ever done and probably met my limits
• Camping: on rocks cramped in a tent with 4 other guys. Terribly uncomfortable but doable for one night
• Bath in Pools below Waterfall: does it get any better than that? Cold, but beautiful. 
• Mountains: It always nice waking up in the mountains. 
• Campfire: Grilling Chorizo, having some drinkings, and sharing stories. All next to a small waterfall in the mountains. 

Most of all, sharing the experience with an amazing group of men. The entire group is eager to live life to the fullest and pursue adventure and grow in authentic friendship. Perfect for a camping trip in the mountains. I am so grateful to have them in my life, and without a doubt such friendship lies at the foundation of what it means to be human. 

I'm so thankful to God for these few days of true leisure (I don't know that I've ever felt so refreshed). I'm ready to get back to it! 

Just the right size for a bath tub. 

Becoming a Child - Huancayo

Sodalitium 101: Sodalits never travel alone.

Because of this basic principle of our style, I was blessed with the (last minute) opportunity to travel to Huancayo, located in the Sierra, an overnight bus trip from Lima. Basic geography of Perú: Costa (Coast), then Sierra (highlands), then Selva (Jungle), of course starting from the coast and traveling inland.

The Sodalitium runs a school in Chincha, a little ways south of Lima, and the "mini-bàsquet" (mini-basketball) team, ages 10 to 12, advanced to this regional tournament (pretty much the highest) in Huancayo. So, a Sodalit that teaches at the school accompanied them, and I as well (because Sodalits don't travel alone, a spirit of fraternity).

View of Huancayo (half a million people) from the Zoo

So, there you have the context. On to my experience...

Huancayo. A completely different world. The main reason: no one on the trip spoke English. So really, this was my first full immersion in Perù. So many times I just wanted to turn to someone and say, "Okay, what did he say?" or, "How do I say this?" It was very difficult to accept this reality and not get frustrated. A short reflection I wrote during the trip:

I guess its a matter of humility. I can't just conquer the language (especially in a few weeks). I must humble myself like a child: Following everyone around without ever knowing exactly what's going on, asking really simple questions, always wanting to understand what the grown-ups are talking about, can't go anywhere alone, etc. 

Interestingly enough this Sunday gospel was about children. It moved me to be more proactive in conversing with the chicos (boys). The problem is that they are even harder to understand, so conversing is very tough and requires everything I have. But, if I welcome them, if I seek an encounter with them, I am seeking Christ, I am encountering Christ (as He says). I also felt called to be more attentive to the children of Huancayo. Obviously I need to realize that I too am a child in this city.

It is always difficult to see 6-12 year-olds working in the street. The was one little girl, Rosmery, who was selling snacks during the basketball game. When she got near our crowd, she routinely made her pitch. When we started cheering (for the game), her eyes lit up and she took a seat near us. She seemed very content, like she could be part of the excitement. I mean, it was a fun game, but I can't put my finger on what exactly drew her in. Perhaps she just wanted to be a child. I tried talking to her a bit, in the spirit of the gospel. She was more shy than I expected, although I imagine a 22-year-old gringo speaking bad castellano and asking you to speak slower is not that welcoming. Anyway, she talked with me for a bit and then left. Hope I didn't keep her from enjoying the game with us..

Team Stretches

I also had a cool exchange with one of the players, and the style of coaching showed through. After they won their second game, I approached one of them and said something like, "bien hecho! ganaste!" (well done, you (singular) won). He replied with something I didn't understand, so I said "Ay, despacio". He said to me, "somos equipo. Ganamos." (We are a team. We won.) Ohhhh.. I guess I need to work on my verb conjugations. But indeed, the coach had done a good job of communicating his vision to the team.

Considering my castellano is not very good, I was able to make a pretty good connection with some of the boys. I think they kind of enjoyed that I could not understand or speak very well. With that come man opportunities for small jokes, but I was also able to communicate a little bit about why I'm doing what I'm doing (I think). Ah, and it was cool that my hours of basketball drills in high school paid off as a way to connect as well...

Because they won all three of their games, they advance to national's in Lima sometime in October. One of the coaches (that I could hardly understand ever) told me (very slowly, finally) the last night we were in Huancayo that he saw that his boys were very content with having me around, and that he would like me to accompany them in Lima when the come. The only word I really knew in spanish to say was, "chévere." I really am excited about it, though I wish I could have expressed that a little better. Also, hopefully my spanish will be a little better!

The Chincha Mini-Básquet Team plus parents and me

 A few quick things a learned..

1. The organization in charge of sports in Perú does a very bad job. I experienced this first hand. For example, the tournament took place in the highlands, and half the teams were from much lower elevation. Not only does this give a huge favor to teams from the highlands, but it is dangerous for the kids to be playing this high. There were a few kids collapsing momentarily each game. The first few games they didn't even have EMT's standing by. Every time out kids were getting loaded up on oxygen. You'll notice that a lot of the players still have this band-aid look thing on their nose to help them breath better.
2. All the teams had really nice jersey's and warm up's, but the nets on the hoop were so terrible that sometimes you could tell if they made the shot or they air-balled it. I just thought that was strange...
3. The most noticeable influence of the U.S. in Huancayo is that businesses would randomly have a huge poster of a half-naked American model in front of their store (these were not even clothing stores). 
4. When a hotel in Huancayo says there will be hot water from 7 a.m. - 8 a.m., they don't mean it. 
5. Purina factories are incredibly loud, and they start shipping at 5 a.m. (and there was one right out our window). 
6. Many things about Huancayo are still very mysterious to me because even what I know was explained to me in Spanish, which who knows if I actually understood correctly. This was probably the hardest part. I now empathize better with those fighting a language barrier. 
7. You learn much quicker when you accept your inabilities/what you do not know. 
8. God will provide.

"The only petition I would have you put forward on my behalf is that I may be given sufficient inward and outward strength to be as resolute in will as in words, and a Christian in reality instead of only in repute." 
-St. Ignatius of Antioch, martyr, 107 A.D. 

Reevaluating

Gringos on top of the bell tower: Ian, Greg, Carl, David, & Me

As I said previously, the first few days here have been rich with discovery on multiple levels for me: culturally, linguistically, spiritually and personally. There is something about removing ourselves from a familiar environment and into something foreign. What I have found is that it fosters a reevaluation of everything we previously knew almost instinctively, and a realization of what is merely superficial and does not belong in our understanding of our core identity. While it's difficult for me to put into words, I wanted to share a few examples that flow from my experience only in the first week of being here, though certainly I myself have not made very definite conclusions. 

The first tendency I noticed is "calculating". While learning the ropes of the combi system with the other 2 gringos, we had several discussions about our culture. One was sparked due to the fact that it is much more efficient to pay for combi's, and even lunch, if just one person pays. Well naturally, when the first person payed for our first combi ride, the other 2 of us were already calculating that this would mean another one of us would pay the next, and the other the next, so that everything even out. Well, Ian also offered to pay for drinks at place along the coast we stopped at. Once again, I carefully took note of how much my drink cost so that I could find another time (perhaps lunch) to cover something of about the same value. But, as agreed on in our discussion, it was simply that Ian wanted to offer a gift to us. A gift, that is, something that does not require "calculating" or "justice", it's simply charity. 

While this is not necessarily evil, I found that it does tend to make my relationships more utilitarian. So, we agreed as a group that we would simply try to accept one another's charity without calculating. Sure, we would try to give our part, but we would not add up the bill at the end of the day to make sure everyone paid their fair share. This was really pretty relieving, and I think that it greatly helped the dynamic of our friendship. There was no worry of someone "having something on you" because they paid for you, and that you would be in debt to them until you paid back every last penny. But, you cannot pay one penny extra (which is also a tendency), because otherwise you will "have something" on the other person. And, I think once I was able to see these things as simply gift, the gratitude flowed more naturally as well. 

Don't get me wrong, my tendency did not just disappear like some fairy tail, but at least I have a new awareness. It is as every conversion starts and continues. It was still painful for me to let go of at the end of the day, but hey, pain is just weakness leaving the body right? 

The other big realization I have had came through my discussions with Patrick, and is something that reveals itself through any dialogue we have. That is, how we identify ourselves. Often times we claim something superficial as a cornerstone of our identity, and it hardens us to dialogue. You notice with people who have sought out and understand their identity only in light of what they have found to be true, there is no tension in dialogue. They do not fall to one side out of fear, that is, a sort of insecurity because their identity is in something superficial. Rather, they can calmly confront the issue, because they do not fear what truth could come from the dialogue. 

During the Marian Procession

For example, if we are talking about Catholic Social Teaching, often times (in the U.S.) the two party system hardens us to dialogue. The problem is that we are claiming our party as our identity, rather than our catholicity, or simply our common desire for the good. When we understand our identity as something deeper than Democrat or Republican, we can engage in inter-party dialogue with little fear.

Well why do we even claim an identity? Wouldn't it make sense to simply surrender our identity all together so that we do not become hardened, set in our ways? Well, I don't think you can ignore our fundamental longing to know ourselves. It is that desire that moves us to insecurity when we don't know ourselves, that if not understood we will claim something superficial as our identity. Because we need this; it does not seem wise to ignore it. 

Perhaps I am rambling at this point, but I did want to share that I believe shifting to another culture has given me an awareness of some things that I identify with that are superficial, simply a product of the culture. It has also reignited in me a desire to know myself on a deeper level. I encourage you, as is inscribed in the Greek temple in Delphi, to "gnōthi seautón," that is, "know thyself." Thus far I have found that I am a beloved child of God, and that, well, so are you :) 

Primeros Dìas

In the first few days here.. wow. So much to talk about. In short, I have learned more, and quicker than I ever have, about culture, language, life, myself, people, etc. I am reminded of when I moved to college. Its a completely new life, and it is a period of self-discovery. Well, of course, all of life is self-discovery, but there are a density of discoveries during this time of transition. 

This is due to a few things. One, it is due to the amazing hospitality that I have been shown by the community. Everyone has helped me get settled in practical ways, as well as encouraging me to share my worries and ask many questions. I give special thanks to my fellow gringo aspirant David, from Pennsylvania, who has been generous in sharing all he has learned about the area as well as some experiences he had upon arrival. Also special thanks to Patrick, who has not only taken much time to show me around the area and discuss different opportunities, but whom I have also experienced a freedom in conversation. He has helped me to learn things ranging from the style and spirituality of the Sodalitium, to politics, to my own identity and life in general. Of course, as I said, all in the community have been very generous. 

Two, I have found most of my conversations to be very refreshing. Now of course, the challenge of communicating in Castellano has drained me entirely at times, but there are many people who also speak some English. I have found ease in connecting with other Sodalits, and especially other aspirants, and it has been very life-giving. 

Three, my castellano is not as bad as I thought. In case you don't know, most of latin america refers to spanish as "castellano", not español (which is of Spain). Anyways, though many conversations around the table I am completely lost, I have also been able to participate in several conversations. And, though painful by the end of the day, most of the learning process I have enjoyed. 

Los Tres Gringos

Four, the style of learning for the Sodalitium is generally throw you in the water and see if you can swim. So, me and two other gringos went around Lima yesterday (Wednesday) learning the combi system (like little buses crammed with people). We also learn to take the metro (a bigger bus) and taxi's. This was basically our assignment. We went to mistura, a peruvian food festival, wear I ended up eating "a different type of ceviche" on television. Yeah, not what I was going for. But this guy and his camera man asked me (Pry because gringos are a show) to eat some ceviche (raw fish usually with lime and onions). After we ate it, he pulled out from behind the counter a giant bull testicle and said, "Guess what you ate!" Yeah well, it tasted pretty good I can't deny it. Anyways, I got to know Carl and Ian who are staying until December, and I guess you could say we got around successfully. Some of the locals were very helpful as well. 

Fifth, the community dynamic is amazing. Everything that I could have hoped to have achieved while living in a Catholic formation house in college, and a little more (which overwhelms me a bit). Then again, we do have a few things already going for us, like the same style and spirituality and discipline :) But, The community life has been very life-giving as well. Meals are always together (well, there are exceptions), and there is always time together at the end of the day. Furthermore, usually there is companionship throughout the day. 

Sixth, very much a surprise for me, is that there is a Sodalit in Lima that runs an architectural firm. I met with him (Mike) today and learned so much. Basically he expresses the Sodalit spirituality in architecture, of which he developed much of. For me, it will be a good opportunity to explore what this kind of apostolate would look like as a Sodalit. They have projects ranging from chapels to houses to pastoral centers to solidarity centers (social services). This is a very unsettled area for me, for many reasons. For one, I used to identify as "one that thinks the Church should sell the Vatican and end world hunger." That was when I thought if I was an engineer, it would be to give people access to basic shelter. I have never really wanted to sit in an office and make bank the rest of my life, so I was also unsure about my major (as an architectural engineer). So, I feel that by accompanying Mike (maybe once a week) I might come to see the beauty of architecture without a hint of Judas (the calculator) in me, and of course not forget our call to the most needy, and thus be more free to discern the calling. Like I said, not something I expected before coming down, but our God likes to surprise us and I feel it would be wise to take advantage of the opportunity.

Lastly, well, I think it would be expected when you are removed from everything that is familiar to you and placed in a new environment. I am loved, and loving it! 

Beinvenida

Well, as you can see I have decided to communicate my experience in Perù (at least for the time being) through this blog. I will try to illustrate my life on a day-to-day basis, and also try express some of my interior life: what moves me, my joys, my struggles, my growth, etc. This is the first time I have blogged, so hopefully I will get the hang of it over time. If you are following, I thank you and you are welcome to ask further questions. I may ask for your prayers from time to time as well... 

Well, I encountered my first trial in the airport in Fort Lauderdale, FL when I attempted to check-in. The man informed me casually that I would not be boarding because I did not have proof I was leaving the country within 160 days (or something). I attempted to explain that I was quite sure it is perfectly legal to enter as tourist and begin apply for a religious visa when I arrive. Well, apparently the rules are "black and white", so I had to buy a return flight in hopes that I would be able to cancel it with a refund (or my family gets a surprise visit). This was Saturday, Sept. 8. Well, we called on Sunday and were able to get a refund without too much trouble. We are still not sure which rules they were looking at, but I can't complain. 

My flights were quite pleasant, other than one flight in which my ears were plugged, my nose was plugged, and it seemed as though my head would explode. When I entered the airport a healthy sneeze solved this problem. I met some cool people on all three flights. My last flight with Spirit airlines, which was super-cheap and thus expected to be a uncomfortable flight, was the most comfortable flight I had ever had. I sat by two moms from Perù and was able to practice my castellano quite a bit. We also were having fun with the flight attendent, who provided us with free snacks and beverages. 

I had a warm greeting from Patrick (who is in charge of the aspirants) and from the rest of the community in Camacho. Then I crashed.