Before I talk about the retreat, I wanted to mention briefly my opportunity to volunteer at Alegría en el Señor (Joy in the Lord). It is a school run by the Servants of God (religious sisters of the Christian Life Movement) where they seek to give a "comprehensive education to children and youth with physical disabilities and normal intelligence." Friday's they always have some type of activity, and this past Friday they decided to take the kids to the beach :) SO, they needed a ton of people to help out.
I have to say I have never met a group of people so comfortable with their limitations. I mean, most of the children were in wheel chairs, so they need help for many basic things. Many of them wanted to get close to the water, and some even to feel the ocean with their feet. I was pretty nervous in the beginning about offending one of them somehow because I might expect them to be able to do something that they can't, or not realize they can do something perfectly well. I mean, we took off their shoes, socks, and sometimes braces, and carried them over to the water. There we waited for a wave to wash up to us. Some of the kids can't support themselves at all, so it was pretty difficult. But, when all was said and done, I didn't notice a hint of embarrassment out of any of them. I saw some minor frustrations, but overall they just seemed excited and thankful for the opportunity! What patience, what gratitude, what humility, what joy, what a lesson for me. Me and one of the other aspirants are hoping to start volunteering there once a week.
Later in the afternoon we left for a weekend retreat...
The retreat was from friday evening to Sunday afternoon in San Bartolo, just south of Lima along the coast. This is where I will be for 3 years of formation. It was mainly a discernment retreat for two of the guys from the states that are here volunteering, but I also got to go for my own sake, to accompany the guys, to learn more about the style of the sodalitium, and to visit the brothers in formation. I will just highlight a moment during the retreat...
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| San Bartolo - The island we swam to Saturday Morning. This is not my picture, and winter is just ending so the sunsets aren't quite so beautiful yet! |
I had a really profound moment on Saturday morning of the retreat. Some of the brothers in formation shared their journey's with us, followed by 2 hours of free time to reflection/pray/relax. I spent pretty much the whole time staring at the ocean and considering this idea of "interior silence".
One of the brothers spoke of interior silence as "opening yourself to reality". Sounds pretty lofty, but I think its the simplicity of the idea that is difficult. We can do this by reflecting on memories we have and really being attentive to how events/people/scripture spoke to us, but of course really working to do this in the present moment too. It is being present to reality, and opening up to encounter. It is realizing reality, and accepting it. In my case, being very grateful.
I realize that it seems like hey, its your life. Wouldn't you know about it? But, sometimes we are too distracted, sometimes reality is too difficult to accept, and in my case sometimes it is too good to accept.
I began to reflect on my life: the past three weeks in Perú, some of my experiences in the last few year, the fact that I'm on a beach watching some enormous waves. For some reason I find it hard to believe where I am (not just geographically). Earlier in my life, and even earlier in my conversion, I would have never imagined that I actually could be so happy. I mean, I thought I could live a good life as a christian and be happy from time to time, and perhaps it was a "learned hopelessness," where I had accepted that not much more could come out of life.
I thought I could like being christian, I could talk to God and pretend God was going to guide me, but when it came down to it, my path in life is simply a series of choices that I make. But, to think that God would call me (one step at a time), and that I would respond, that my choices would actually be responses, this only seemed like a pleasant fantasy. But here I am. God really called me, and I am really responding with everything. And I find myself doing things and experiencing a level of joy I never realistically imagined for myself. More than anything I feel incredibly grateful.
I guess when most of life is spent looking for happiness, for friendship, for identity, and all that is found are a series of laughs, superficial relationships, and uncertainty, it becomes the norm. I think I grew into this norm, and when I encountered a God that actually seeks my fulfillment in every way, that wants to call me into authentic friendship, that reveals to myself who I am (though I am still "unfolding"), I was hesitant to accept such a proposal.
And so I found myself, staring at the ocean, opening myself to my reality. Allowing myself to be overcome by joy and thanksgiving by the God who loves me and continues to call.
