Where are we going?

So lately I've had a few spare moments to sit and reflect and write a bit, so I thought I'd share a recent reflection of mine. I don't know that its complete, especially because its not one isolated reflection but something that comes up again and again, each time a little more clear. Also, I wrote this reflection to myself, I guess I just find it the easiest way to clear up my ideas. But, I thought I'd open up my reflection to ya'all.

What sparked my reflection is a very definitive aspect of the peruvian culture, a basic way of interacting here. It is simple: when you arrive at an event, or when you cross paths with someone, you always greet everyone individually. When you leave, you say goodbye to everyone individually. It takes a little more time, and sometimes it bothers me because I just have one tiny little errand to run and then I add 10 minutes to completing the task.

I was also thinking about my schedule and how to best take advantage of this year as an aspirant in Lima, and through experiences of sometimes frustration and sometimes joy, I started re-evaluated my "schedule". I started seeing all the people in the "path" of my schedule, and how little I was paying attention to them.

From there I leave you with my reflection on "progress":

Well, lets consider a few definitions of progress before diving in: 1) forward or onward movement toward a destination, or 2) advance or development toward a better, more complete, or more modern condition. Both definitions, one of the physical reality and one of a condition, contain 2 elements: 1) an end and 2) getting closer to that end.

Let me now ask something more basic: Why are we questioning what progress is in the first place? Why do we seek progress? Why is it important for us? Can we live a happy life without progress?

I assert, from a purely existential point of view, that the current condition of the human is not “fulfilled”. We seek progress because we are not fulfilled, thus we must advance or progress toward this fulfillment. Every human being has the experience of not being fulfilled, and in many different ways we seek “progress”. Some examples: Working your way up in your job (promotion), working your way up in social class, advancing through your studies, working for a more just economic system, progressing toward “equal rights”, improving relationships, etc. Sometimes to remind ourselves that we are making progress, or to help satisfy that lack of fulfillment, we make a checklist that “reassures” us that we are making progress and thus approaching that fulfillment. None of these are bad, but at a certain point I think we need to stop and ask: What am I progressing toward? What are these longings for advancement that I have? Am I really progressing? When will I be fulfilled? When I get out of high school and escape to the college life? When I finish my college degree and get out into the real world? When I work my way up in the real world to the point of having a stable job and comfortable income? When I find the right man/woman to settle down with and start a family? When I can finally speak fluidly this language I am learning? When I reach the finish line of this marathon?

Do you see me? I am one among 14,000, so probably not! 

Ah, the marathon example. Let’s reflect on that a bit. In the recent half marathon that I ran, during the race I was always set on the finish line, as if there lie my eternal reward. Just keep running, just hold out a little longer, keep the pace, finish strong through the finish line! And I do remember quite vividly the gratification of achieving the goal, of crossing the finish line and meeting the goal I had set for time. It was really gratifying because the race was so long! Almost 2 hours running. But I had fought, a long and difficult battle, and I came out victorious. It was really gratifying. I just soaking in the moment for a while. And then… well, and then I started thinking about running a full marathon. I experienced fulfillment in that moment, but it couldn’t hang onto it. That sensation, that satisfaction slowly slipped through my arms, and I couldn’t hang onto it! I saw that I wasn’t fulfilled anymore. I was happy, but it wasn’t enough, I need more. I need a bigger challenge now: a full marathon. Then I will be happy. Or maybe it will be a similar experience?

Why do I ask this question now? Well, I think many people have the question, but it’s not the easiest question to answer, and so sometimes its better that it remain vague and unbothered. But we can’t hide the question forever. We find ourselves before the great adventure of life, yet awkwardly and a bit embarrassed asking the same question as Pippin when the Fellowship of the Ring begins: Where are we going?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NICSLDQwwAo

I think this is what happens to many people when they reach midlife and haven’t yet answered that question… we called that a midlife crisis.

I think many of us enter a midlife crisis because our whole life has been based on values of progress, and having passed half our time on earth the see what little “progress” we can make. We experience our own limitedness, and began to ask questions like: Does progress even exist? If it does, what are we progressing towards? The top of the business world? The highest achievement board? The longest list of friends? The best fit body? The most comfortable lifestyle? The highest level of scholarship? The dean’s list? Why can’t I seem to reach a state of fulfillment, of being content? I recall an old poster I had of a band called “Staind” that says, “progress is illusion”. I’m not exactly sure what they meant, but perhaps they started catching on to this “progress” that doesn’t lead us where we think: to our own happiness. Yes, ultimately we strive for progress in whatever terms we understand it (business, knowledge, popularity, accomplishment) because we carry and underlying belief that this “advancement” will lead us to be more fulfilled, happier, and will give meaning to our lives.

Our own limitedness and the shortness of our lives is sometimes a smacks in the face. We find that we are not yet “happy”, and that the only meaning is to continue “advancing”, but because my life will end soon, what do my “advancements” really mean in the bigger picture? Advancement toward what? Or perhaps the better question is: What kind of progress leads to the fulfillment I long for? Ah! I didn’t even know I had that longing. Another question: What is that longing?

A quote from Pope Francis: “This verb, to promote: yes, it is a nice verb and one we must use in the Church. Yes, He was promoted to the Cross, He was promoted to humiliation. That is true promotion [advancement], that which makes us seem more like Jesus!"

The Christian understands progress, as the Pope mentions, in a radically different way than the our culture. Christ teaches this to his disciples as they dispute about which is the greatest among them. But the Christian doesn’t just throw the idea of progress out the window as a mere skeptic, rejecting all our culture talks about, but reflects and purifies what real progress is: growing in humility.

Humility is walking in truth, and so “growing” in humility is living ever closer and in conformation with the truth. But we don’t mean to say “truth” as in a list of declarations, like the 10 commandments or the dogmas of the Church, but we understand that “truth” is ultimately a person, meaning our longing for “truth” is most fundamentally a longing for communion. Because this person is infinite, our longing is for the infinite, and the progress we make never seems to be enough. But this is precisely what points us toward God, that we our not satisfied with something less than infinite, that we are made for the infinite.

So, progress is growing in humility, which conforming ourselves to Christ. Progress is becoming more and more like Christ, which only happens through communion, through love, relationship. If my relationship with God, with myself, and with “neighbors” (all those I come across in my path) is deepened, I am making progress, and if not, any other “worldly” progress, though good in itself, is devoid of all meaning and can even become destructive. We see this manifested in a very concrete way in the injustices of the world today amidst the wave of technological advancement.

You can even go so far as to say that with a merely horizontal vision, progress is pure illusion, and that the only true progress comes to us from the supernatural. Why? Because that is our end: eternal relationship with God. If there is no “end”, if there is no truth, than the progress I make in my life is fooling myself into believing I’m making progress (because I avoid the question “what end am I progressing toward?”). Remember, the definition of progress implies an end, a destination or ideal.

Fulfillment comes through communion, through fellowship, through solidarity, through intimacy with others. This can be a very challenging statement, especially when we think of progress only in terms of self. I am not capable of fulfilling my self. If I make some of the most incredible advancements in my work, if I learn 10 languages, if I work out 2 hours every day, if I maintain the perfect diet, if I organized 6 fundraisers to combat homelessness, if I… forget about the people connected to my checklist than I will never be satisfied with my list of “accomplishments”. But you know what, it means my list of “accomplishments” will be shorter. This bothers me for a second, but then I remember that the accomplishments (even noble ones) will never be enough, and so they really aren’t requirement for my fulfillment. Communion is required for my fulfilled, and communion cannot always be categorized neatly on a checklist. It cannot be conquered or dominated, but just encountered, as a mystery. And I think even in our relationships we will find ourselves faced with limits, never quite fully satisfied, and that is why in the end it is not just relationships with our neighbors, but a relationship with a God that is infinite. That is the direction of my "unfolding"; that is my end.

Top: Alfredo, Ernesto, Father Gilmer, Father Juan Carlos, Ernesto, 
Father Jaime, Leonardo. Bottom: Rodrigo, Me, Sean, Chris 

So as not to be end too theoretical, to come down to earth, I guess I finish by considering: What moments in my life have I experienced fulfillment? And in what I’ve discovered is truly fulfilling, am I pursuing that with all my heart, orienting my entire life, down to my daily schedule, around it? Isn’t it worth the risk?

Bebo Norman - "Here Goes" talks about taking the risk :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S97O9395rgc