I have much to be thankful for as of late, so many gifts and so
much generosity from so many people on so many levels in so many ways.
HOME
First there was a short but treasured visit from not just two
sisters of mine, but two of my favorite people. We were able to make a
pilgrimage to the center of Lima and reflect on the lives of the saints,
interestingly enough all growing up together or crossing paths in some way. In
the same way we found time to share our thoughts and experiences, to edify one
another, and to dare each other to live the life of a saint today. We also
found ourselves accompanied by several living examples of saints that you find
in the Sodalit family: from consecrated men and women, to the family that
hosted Emily and Kimberly in their house, to the families of Pamplona Alta that
invited us over for lunch. We got to know Lima, the Christian Life Movement,
and each other.
Above all, it was an experience of the portable home: the family.
I first came to Lima knowing very few people, and the people I knew I did not
know well. Since then has been a process of entering/building a community here,
in this other realm of my life in which I have come to know so much about
myself. Well, sometimes it is difficult to connect two realities that seem to
contrast so much, but I know that somehow I’m still the same person, even
thought the surroundings I’ve used to identify myself without for so long have
changed. Having Emily and Kimberly visit helped me to connect the two
realities, they helped to bring home to Peru, and even though it was a short
time, I can still feel more at home here in Peru, more at home in my community,
and more at home with who am I: a Sodalit. Isn’t “home” really the experience
we all long for?
WORLD YOUTH DAY
Well, their visit really deserves its own blog, but my lack
of commitment to my blog combined with an abundance of gifts means there is
much to say and I must move on! Well, they do overlap as Kimberly also came with
the Christian Life Movement for World Youth Day!
First, it was certainly different than any retreat,
conference, or pilgrimage I have ever experienced.
The streets, sidewalks, buses, and beaches were overflowing
with noisy Catholic youth. The locals were understandably dumbfounded, but
excited to welcome us, to ask us where we were from and what in the world
(haha) we were up to, and even offered much-needed directions in navigating the
city of 10 million. There were blue,
yellow, and green backpacks everywhere you went, mobs of youth playing music,
dancing and singing, encounters that would normally be awkwardly inhibited by
language barriers but instead an instance of exchanging souvenirs, a prayer,
and perhaps a picture together. All the while, Christ the Redeemer gazed in
silence from Corcovado, delighting in his flock, at last gathered together.
A few hours of sleep each night, on the floor where ever you
could spot an opening, a humble bathroom with cold showers to share with a
multitude, public bathrooms available for those willing to make a 3-hour wait,
the sanitation questionable: but all a worthy sacrifice for celebrating mass in
Copacabana beach with 3 million other youth from around the world and listening
intently to our Holy Father.
The message resounded throughout World Youth Day, from the
daily catechesis with the bishops to the address from Pope Francis: the youth
are not simply the future of the
Church; the youth play a vital role in the Church and the world of today. The pope insisted on the youth
being protagonists in the world, to stop leaving it to others to fill the roll.
We cannot keep waiting in line, observing from the balcony in fear, but we must
dive in, play on offense. He asked us to reflect with him in silence: Do I have
the courage to swim against the tide, or am I a coward? Am I apathetic to the
challenges the world faces? Do I pray, or I am frightened by silence? Even
though we may feel hopeless before the “rocks, thorns, and weeds” of our heart,
the Pope insisted that we always find a tiny piece of good ground for the seed
of Jesus to enter. Allow it to grow, and God will nurture it.
I got to see the Pope twice, as he passed by in the
popemobile. Even though I could barely see him even on the giant television
screen, he was very close to us in his words and gestures.
THE RETURN TO LIMA
Coming back to Lima was very difficult for me for several
reasons, and the climate contrast between Rio and Lima expresses quite well my
interior experience. It was back to Lima: gray, wet, dirty, and noisy. I had
also spent the last 3 weeks speaking mostly in English, and it felt good for communicating
not to be a chore, but it was a headache getting back into the Spanish. I had lost
any form of rhythm, and also many of the daily responsibilities, so it took a
bit of tugging to getting the gears turning again.
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| My Parish in Lima |
At the same time I discovered that perhaps it is the biggest
gift of all, and perhaps most arguably from God. I tend to be a skeptic when it
comes to the topic: What do you thank God for and what do you thank others for?
How do you distinguish coincidence and natural science from God’s providence?
If the sun comes out, is it a gift from God? Then if it doesn’t come out, God
is not happy with us? How do you justify suffering? How do you call an
abundance harvest a blessing from God when millions of others are passing
through a drought? Well, when I encounter a problem I try to solve it, and when
I encounter a mysterious I ask from my knees. I think part of the mystery is
expressed in the words “I humbly receive” (see my sister’s blog http://emilyruskamp.blogspot.com/2013/07/reflection-on-japan-2-itadakimasu-i.html).
But the mysterious drives me crazy sometimes, and it urges me forward, and I
insist that God teach me what logic is followed.
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| With the group from my parish in Lima at Corcovado (Christ the Redeemer) |
Well, I can tell you that not having what I want from my
surroundings has certainly forced me to search interiorly. I used to think
about more superficial motivations for following my vocation. But when the
activities I like doing disappeared, I realize that perhaps they were more of a
distraction. Perhaps I was not getting to the core of the vocation (even if
understanding intellectually). Perhaps
my heart was still in another place, because no matter what the surroundings, a
prison or an open field, the heart of the vocation remains, and that is love
and faithfulness to the One who calls me. And this has allowed me to rethink
how I understand God’s presence in the world and in my life.
I haven’t gotten it nailed down yet, which I’m not sure is
the point, but I think God’s blessings are more like manna. Of course, manna is
what God feed the Isrealites with in the desert, and if you’ve followed the
readings lately, you see that the manna was not exactly a delicacy (and you
will also understand how the readings have been just for me). In fact, they
preferred what they were fed as slaves in Egypt. But still, they were God’s gifts, and I
think that’s where we need to look. Not just where we don’t expect, but even
what we consider to be God’s absence, God’s failure to respond.
And once we are able to recognize it as a gift, there are no
more excuses or complaining, just be humble and receive, be thankful, and be happy! We discover freedom and love, and our reality is transformed. Of course its all founded in
trust, which is not easy, but “poco a poco”, right?
And I will finally end by sharing a
poem I wrote the other day about my experience:
Gifts from God
The
sky is gray and the air cold and soggy,
The
honking is relentless and the fumes suffocating,
The
tongue is difficult and speaking becomes a task,
The
culture is mysterious and foggy like the weather.
My
limitations become evident; control is beyond hope,
The
apostolate is not what I once knew; the community is imperfect.
So
easy it is to pick out the flaws,
So
easy to point and critique.
As
if I prefer to be miserable,
As
if I prefer to complain to God:
“See,
you don´t love me!
See,
it was deception from the beginning!”
But
it is not uncommon, this experience of skepticism,
It’s
really quite human; I’ve seen and heard it before.
It’s
the cry of Israel, the cry against their God.
The
God that delivered them out of Egypt, into the desert,
The
God that nurtured them with manna,
And
the God that brought them water from a rock.
What
a gift the manna must have been!
Lost
in the desert, yet saved by the Father’s providence!
They
must have been worried about starving,
They
must have rejoiced in God at the appearance of the manna.
Not
so, in fact, but quite the opposite:
"But now we are famished;
We have nothing to look forward to but this manna."
"But now we are famished;
We have nothing to look forward to but this manna."
But
don’t you see, Isreal? How could you not recognize the gifts of God?
Can
you be so obstinate? Can you be so blind?
What
more proof do you want? What more shall God do?
Do
you really want to be loved? Do you really want to be happy?
All
you must do is consent to God’s love.
All
you must do is become like children.
Perhaps
God’s generosity follows another logic,
And
perhaps we must look with eyes of faith.
The
gifts of God are abundant, beautiful, perfect,
But
not an abundance of what we asked for,
Not
beautiful like the beauty of the life we once knew,
Not
the perfection we demand from our surroundings.
Such
are the gifts from our loving Father,
Such
is the logic that we must learn.
For,
“Would you hand your son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread,
Or
a snake when he asks for a fish?”
Yet,
“Many are the troubles of the just.”
And,
“Power is made perfect in weakness”.
All
that remains is our response; how will you answer?
Do
you accept God’s gift, give thanks for your daily bread?
If
you would but yield, you will share in the Master’s joy.
For
you who accept, you will discover you heart’s desire:
The
freedom of a childlike trust in the Father,
The
freedom to love, and the freedom to be loved.
Well, just in case you prefer Laura Story, I think she is
contemplating something similar. Her voice is much prettier than mine in any case!
